#and it was even a prednisone day :
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#kirby#daily kirby#my art#digital#hal laboratory#nintendo#after my appointment on tuesday we started decreasing my prednisone dose#we haven't actually reached the new target dose yet#but I am already Struggling#I was only really fully awake for maybe 2 hours today#and it was even a prednisone day :/#(I've been dosing every other day since it's a little safer)#so things might get Bad again for a bit
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man how do people deal with the constant unceasing hunger. this sounds like a shitpost but actually if this keeps up it may be my telltale heart
#marzi speaks#prednisone man….. god#it’s extra weird for me as someone who’s had appetite issues for the past few years#to go from not really wanting to eat half of the time to literally always and constantly be thinking about food#just. always. in the back of my head#even when i’m not physically hungry my body sends me hunger signals. i want to tear up my pantry right now even though i am perfectly fed#and if i ate anything more tonight i’d be overeating and risk hurting my stomach#like….. what. and it’s always there i am Always Hungry. how does thet work. why does that happen#hopefully it gets easier when i start the taper in a couple days#i think i only have like. 2 more days of 50mg. then it’ll be halved so that should be easier to deal with#but man. steroids brain is a really weird one to navigate
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Say what you will about prednisone but being on a high dosage of it gave me the strange experience of actually being awake when I wake up....like hitting a switch to go from off to on.
Just alert and fully functioning upon waking. Absolutely bizarre. I miss that now that I'm tapering down. On the other hand, being able to sleep more than 4 hours is nice.
#prednisone#insomnia#sleep#chronic illness#chronic fatigue#I usually only sleep 5-6 hours a night and that's been my norm for years now#so im used to not sleeping much but 4 hours is too little sleep even for me#“maybe you wouldn't be a groggy permazombie if you slept more--” sure but I can't make myself sleep 7-8 hours#and I don't seem to have the “sleep debt” that some people can pay off by just sleeping extra on some days#op#personal
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Dog has a swollen lymph node. Just one for now. Which means her cancer is getting worse already. The longer this goes on, the more detached I feel from reality.
#I've been barely eating for over a week now and don't feel it#all the money i have is going towards her. i have enough body fat to survive without eating properly for a while.#but I'm just not hungry because nothing feels real right now#she's been breathing with more difficulty the past couple days too so i know the tumor on her tongue is getting larger#she's been whining so much too. like way more than she ever has.#and the prednisone has increased her appetite by so much that she's eating almost double what she normally would#she's skipped eating in the morning almost her whole life. don't know why. she's just a picky bitch like that.#but now she wants extra food in thd morning and snacks during the day and extra food at night#i was worried her food would go to waste after she died but goddamn#it definitely will be eaten plus some at this rate#she seems so normal. but i know she's getting worse every day and probably just doesn't want to bother me.#that's the worst thing about dogs. they don't want to bother you.#she's so opinionated when it comes to things she wants to eat or play with. but she's never let me know when she was in pain.#the only times she has are emergency vet visit times#like when my ex broke her tail and she kept putting her butt in my face to tell me shit was fucked up#or another time when her gut bacteria somehow got out of whack and she shat bright red blood all over my house#or when she broke a claw so bad it damaged the bone underneath#anything minor and i have to find it on my own#she's extra spoiled right now#i never tell her to stop unless she's doing something potentially dangerous#like yeah. let's sniff that same spot on the same bush you smell 8x a day for ten minutes girl.#you look hungry. have some peanuts or freetos or cotton candy.#you want snacks even though you just had snacks? bitch. have some more.#you want to sleep in my spot on the bed? thats ok. I'll go to the othef sidd where i don't have my cpap. get comfy.#i feel bad denying her anything when i know she only has a set amount of experiences left#there's a finite amount of sniffs she can snorf or food to be fed and i know it's pretty limited.#and then i get days like today where i don't even really start working until the time I'd normally be getting home#and that enrages me like little else can do because it's taking away from time with the only living thing that's real to me#except the longer i have knowing she's dying the less 'here' i feel. which makes her seem less real.#and i hate it. but i deny myself pain by pretending shit isn't real until it isn't. and then there's no more pain.
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I really do hate when I know I'm right about something and no one listens to me
#fucking doctors i swear and my fricken mother#she is seeing this quack doctor and everything he does sounds not right#he put her on an anti inflammatory med BEFORE they got baseline blood work for her???!!!!!#what fucking doctor does that? oh im sorry NOT A GOOD ONE!!!#you get baseline bloodwork AND THE you start on meds because guess what one of the things he tested for#INFLAMMATORY MARKERS!!!!!!!!!#but nooooo mr. im gonna treat first because im so cocky and i already know whats wrong with you without blood work#THATS WHAT BLOOD WORK IS FOR!!!!!#ive had cocky doctors before too but because they're good like their those types of doctors where they're so good its like okay i understand#but no not this guy#he decided to treat her with Prednisone and a antiinflammatory med BEFORE ANYTHING on DAY ONE!!!!!!#he had just met her!!!! he didn't consult any of her other doctors or fricken nothing!!!#and then her pain/back doctor keeps fricken doing surgery after surgery for no reason!!#she has EDS too because she's where i got it from and he keeps doing surgeries that of course arent going to work!!!!#even my eds doctor said to not do surgeries like that unless its mandatory because our bodies dont heal the same!!#im so frustrated and my mother is my mother so she doesn't listen to me but y'know...#AHHHHHDJDJDNFMRMFMFMDDNNFNDNDJDJDNFNJDJDKDKDKDN
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okay all my (non-craft) books are in my room and in some semblance of order. and also inexplicably a centipede. (she didn't get to stay. I do not like centipedes even though I otherwise love weird squiggle line animals.)
#I also loosely sorted what else still needs homes#I am for sure gonna have more shelves than I need which is good.#I can easily fill them with stuffed animals or whatever#and then put the stuffed animals back in the nets if I need the shelf space after all#even with the books still at mom's#probably not gonna bring books out of the storage unit tho#matt's not gonna cuz he doesn't wanna have to move them back down the stairs again#which makes sense tbh#I'm assuming we're staying here until his dad dies (and we take over the house) or arin comes home#which I think is also his assumption#but I think he's much more pessimistic about his dad's health than I am#cuz tbh I expect arin will come home first#it's a prednisone day.
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Taking a steroid pulse to hopefully get my pain flare up under control. Lets hope this actually helps and doesn't make me feel awful 👍🏻
#h talks#last time I tried a new med I was so dizzy I had to call out from work lol and I stayed dizzy for like 3 days#and this is my first time taking prednisone so. . that'll be fun#my fingers have been swollen and achy for like 4 days I can't fucking do anything its pissing me off#can't study because I can't type or write. can hardly drive. can't play with my dogs. can't do any sort of gaming or crafts#I can hardly even clean like gripping the vacuum or the duster or washing dishes all hurts#its ok I'm fine its all good I can manage it and hopefully this will help
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because i found this quite fascinating, i rendered it into a video to show about what i am experiencing.
the story is that i woke up with a strange hearing problem--the sound of my alarm was slightly lower than usual. after listening to music, i found out it wasn't the sounds that was wrong, but my sense of hearing. i adjusted it in audacity to see about how much i was off by--which was about 0.22 semitones.
in my research, i found a similar story from someone who happened to be taking the same pill as i have been, so im led to believe its merely a strange side effect. there's not really any medical research on this particular topic, but i'm inclined to believe it based on a few other things i've read
#the fool speaks#you know what? just in case someone else is going through the same thing? ill just say it#the medication i was taking was prednisone. today i took my last dose of it. i was taking it for a mild allergic reaction#if i remember ill update with whether or not this issue went away--if i can tell even#edit: about a day since ive noticed the effects and everything still sounds off. however i am getting used to it#edit 2: 48 hours. still sounds off#edit 3: 72 hour mark and i think i'm only hearing things at 0.1 semitones lower now? that or im getting used to it#edit 4: 96 hours and back to normal
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#kirby#firearms#guns#swearing#ask to tag#daily kirby#my art#digital#hal laboratory#nintendo#it's a goddamn Day once again#while still recovering from the rest of the week my doctor informed me that it's clinic policy that I can't stay on my prednisone#so I have to either leave the clinic or lose the one med giving me even a desperate tenuous grasp on basic tolerable qol#and then while I was drawing there was some kind of altercation in another building#so now I'm on high alert for that too#also fun fact I have not touched a firearm in 7 1/2 years but I drew that m4 from memory lol#(btw this is a play on 'I am not god's strongest soldier')#(which is a play on 'god gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers')#tbh I should've drawn kirby sharpening a knife but this is what we got today
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having to get infusions as part of my treatment plan as someone with a huge dislike for ivs is kinda evil
#marzi speaks#thankfully i don't have like. a phobia around it or anything#but i hateeee needles. and having them in me. and even tho past the initial poke#an iv is just a catheter that sits in your vein to allow for movement of blood and medicines#i hateee the idea of there being a hole in me and something always being in that. horrifies me#thank god i don't have to get a port. afaik rn#it's weird i'm gonna be doing retuximab infusions for at least a year and a half#and that's not too many doses overall it's like. 5. but it's still a long time to be on a biologic#and once that happens and i've been tapering well on my steroids will i be officially in remission?#am i already entering remission?#what are my long term maintenance meds gonna look like? what's that gonna be for me?#am i going to be immunocompromised for the rest of my life or is this temporary?#i just don't have those answers yet. and i try to play it day by day but i am an anxiety haver and on fucking prednisone#so. mileage is varying in terms of anxiety management
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If you feel like talking about it — what’s the *aftermath* of anaphylaxis like? I know that an epipen is just step one, and further treatment and observation follows at a hospital, but I’m curious about what the subjective experience is like in the longer term; whether one can bounce back fairly well or whether there’s lingering unpleasantness.
So with the caveat that everyone experiences things differently (and putting this under a cut because I don't want to trigger anyone):
After epi is administered, you're usually put on a cocktail of drugs ranging from several different IV antihistamines (typically a mix of h1 and h2 histamine blockers and a giant whack of benadryl), anti-nausea meds, a beta-agonist to assist with breathing, and a shit-whack of steroids.
Once you've been stable for a few hours and discharged, you'll be told to watch for symptoms for up to 72 hours, which is the period in which a biphasic reaction can happen. (For me, it's always within 20 minutes to 8 hours after rescue medication is administered if I'm going to slip back into an allergic response, but everyone is different.)
Depending on your symptoms, you'll sometimes be told to take an antihistamine for up to 72 hours (if you're not already taking one daily), but the one thing they always send you home with is a steroid like prednisone. I usually need a 5-7 day dose because I need to taper off it or my adrenals crash, but some people get a 3-day dose and come off it with no problems.
Body-wise, it's a draining experience, and the medications often leave you both tired and wired. It's an odd sensation.
Mentally and emotionally, it takes me a lot longer to recover because I've just been smacked with a proverbial mallet of stress hormones and adrenaline, and that can often lead to depressive moods and even rage for some people. The prednisone also heightens emotions, so it's not unusual to be having some of the wildest mood swings of your life while also processing the stress of what just happened.
It takes me a while to bounce back, typically about a week on full rest, but I know some people who claim to feel fine in a couple of days. Couldn't be me, haha. My body goes into hibernation mode for quite a while, and I'll be lying in bed exhausted and jittering like I've had ten espressos, but I don't know how much of that is general anaphylaxis or how much of that is specific to my mast cell disorder.
So, for me, it's a desperate need to sleep, jitteriness, depression, and rapid mood swings from the prednisone followed by a general feeling of blegh. It also takes me about 72 hours to be able to eat solid foods again because of the effect anaphylaxis has on the digestive tract (the esophagus is lined with histamine receptors; that's why some heartburn meds are actually antihistamines.), but I suspect that's my MCAS.
It's basically just a bit shit, lol.
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been broken one too many times [9-1-1 | Buck/Eddie | 1/1]
1K words | Teen arguments | angst | feelings realization | minor buck/tommy | pre-relationship buck/eddie | post-ep for 8x05: Masks
been broken one too many times [on Ao3]
"You need to stop picking at those," Eddie says without glancing up from his phone.
Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Buck drop his hand. "I wasn't."
"You were."
"Fine," Buck snaps. He shoves his chair back and stands, stiff jerky motions that grate on Eddie's already frayed nerves. "I'll stop picking. You know I'm not a toddler, right? I'm a grown man. I have an EMT certification. You don't have to talk to me like I'm five."
Irritation flares. It's never very far beneath the surface these days. "Okay, fine, pick at your scabs, fuck up your face, see if I care. Since you're a grown man and all."
Buck breathes out hard through his nose. Eddie glances up from the article he hasn't actually been reading this whole time and takes in the look on his face, the very clear fuck you behind his teeth.
Just say it, Eddie thinks, something ugly and eager surging up the back of his throat. Just say it. Pick a fucking fight for once. Maybe that's why he's even here, sitting in Buck's kitchen when he knows damn well he's not good company for anyone right now, including himself. Maybe he's just got to break one last thing, since that's all he seems to do these days.
Buck doesn't say it, of course, because he never gives Eddie the satisfaction of a fight when he really wants one. It makes Eddie want to be mean, makes him think of all the things he could say, all the insecurities he could throw in Buck's face that would make him flinch and recoil and maybe finally think better of letting Eddie hang around. It's not like either of them is exactly having a good time right now.
He doesn't speak. Buck scoffs again, then moves back into the kitchen to refill his coffee cup. It was already more than half-full, so Eddie knows he's just doing it so he doesn't say something he'll regret.
"You want more?" he asks, without turning. It's not exactly a peace offering, but it's close.
"No. Thanks."
Buck nods. Eddie watches him pour coffee and switch the pot off. He pulls the fridge open for a container of creamer—it's a different brand than he used to use, and Eddie wonders if that's Tommy's influence. One of many stupid little details that gets under his skin the way that everything seems to get under his skin these days. Eddie watches as he stirs it into his cup and puts it back in the fridge. He braces his palms on the edge of the counter; his shoulders shift as he breathes in, and then slowly out, and then finally turns back around.
"Sorry," he says, disarmingly rueful. "Tommy's been on me about that too. I'm a little sick of hearing it."
Eddie shrugs, strangling down his own anger. It burns beneath his skin, but that's nothing new. He doesn't need to take it out on Buck, especially not over something this stupid. He'll go home after this, and beat the shit out of the heavy bag in his garage until his knuckles hurt and his chest finally has space to breathe. He'll call his son and endure ten minutes of stilted Facetime conversation while Chris plays on his Switch and refuses to look at him. He'll cope, just like he always does. "Like you said. You're a grown man."
"Yeah, and my face itches," Buck groans, and that's a peace offering, Eddie knows, that wry little note of self-deprecation in his voice.
"It's getting better," Eddie says, and it is: after Billy Boils' makeshift funeral Buck finally went and got a prescription for prednisone like he should have in the first place, and the giant painful-looking cysts have shrunk down until they don't look much worse than a bad breakout of acne. Still not pretty, but not nearly as gruesome as they were a week ago.
"Says you. My own boyfriend still won't kiss me."
Eddie snorts. "Yeah, well, I wouldn't kiss you either with those things on your face. No offense."
"Um, offense absolutely taken," Buck says, but he's smiling a little now as he moves back to the table with his coffee cup. "Besides, that doesn't count. You don't want to kiss me the rest of the time anyway."
"That's—" Eddie stops. His fingers twitch around his coffee cup; he thinks with a sudden vague sort of panic that it's a good thing it's resting on the table right now, because if he was holding it, he'd probably drop it. Broken shards of porcelain and coffee spreading out across the tiles and the words that's not true resting as easily on his tongue as if they've always been there.
"Eddie?" Buck asks, and he becomes aware that he's just been staring fixedly at his half-drunk coffee, that his breathing is coming faster than it should. Jello, he thinks. You're jello, you're jello, you didn't say anything, you're fine, just breathe. It doesn't help. He still feels like his heart and his lungs and maybe a few other internal organs are about to crawl up the back of his throat and spew out red and bloody across the floor.
That's not true, he thinks again, with an incredulity that borders on hysterical. He wants to start laughing, suddenly.
He has to get out of here.
"Yeah," he says, and this time he's the one pushing his chair back, standing jerkily. Buck takes a step back, wary.
"You good?" he asks. His face still does look pretty bad—lumpy and swollen, blotchy red in spots. It's not even a simple straightforward attraction, which would be bad enough. Because Eddie was lying just now, wasn't he—he'd still kiss Buck, even looking like this. He'd still want to, because he's always wanted to.
Fuck.
"Yeah," Eddie says. He grabs his phone, shoves it in his pocket. "I just realized, I have to—" he has no plausible excuse on hand. Chris is in Texas. His grocery shopping is done. His house is clean. His empty life is empty of any good reason to get him out of here, but he needs to get out of here, now. "I have to go."
Buck looks like he wants to keep pushing, but Eddie doesn't give him the chance. He scoops up his keys, moves quickly toward the door, pulls it open.
"I'll see you around, Buck," he says, halfway over his shoulder, and pulls it shut behind him before Buck can answer.
He doesn't feel he starts breathing again all the way down the stairs.
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Day ten of bronchitis. I can't remember the last time in my life I caught something like this out of nowhere. It's not covid but it's much worse than any time I got covid. It's now finally fading away, but still wheezing and I've now coughed so much, the slightest cough causes a searing hot muscle pain up my stomach. I'm afraid of rupturing something, but then it means I can't cough hard enough to even momentarily clear my air sacs, so every breath tickles and sounds like a bunch of raspy little moaning ghosts all at once.
The two inhalers were useless so I went back to the doctor and they gave me Prednisone and benzonatate. I can't tell if they make a difference either really
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EMBRY CALL X FEM READER
Warnings: mentions of body issues. Health issues. Hospital visit.
Autoimmune diseases plague your life. You are the only plus sized girl on the rez. You feel so down about yourself. Embry makes life worth living.
The beeping of the heart monitor next to you is starting to piss you off. You sigh and move the arm without the IV over your forehead. You feel Embry next to you grab your hand. "Just waiting for the results, baby." His voice is soft.
You started taking new medicines for the inflammation in your body. You haven't had any difference. In fact, it's worse. They had to do x-rays on your back, knees, and hands. They had you twisting in all angles! Your heart is palpitating, which because of your health problems, it scared them. They put you on an IV for a bit.
"Do you need anything? I can go to the vending machine." Embry offers. You move your arm and look at him. You smile and squeeze his hand. "No, baby. I'm sure once we get home, Emily will have food made." You giggle. You glance down at your stomach and think about how skinny Kim, Rachel, and Emily are. It hasn't bothered you too bad since being with Embry, but occasionally, it hits you. Especially when you are told you are going to be around them. You love them, and they love you, absolutely! It's just hard being the only plus sized girl.
The door opens, and the rheumatologist steps in with a clipboard. She pulls the small rolling chair toward you. She keeps her mask lifted up, but her eyes are telling. "Alright, y/n. The medicine was only making your heart race. It was causing some arithmetic issues. Your joints are about the same as last time. You are just in a flareup." She looks at you and then Embry. A flareup sucks but that means there's nothing WORSE and nothing new to worry about.
"I'm going to give you a list of treatments. You can choose one that you'd like to try. I will up your plaquinil, though. This go around, no prednisone." She starts writing stuff down.
The visit took a lot longer. Emily had called Embry to let him know that there's a dinner over there tomorrow with your favorite food. You feel bad when she does this every time you end up going to the hospital for something. She does this for everyone on their birthdays, but that's once a year. For you, it's a few times a year.
You walk inside your and Embrys house, your phone and charger in your hand. You yawn, tossing it on the couch. Embry reaches for your waist from behind. He pulls you into him and presses kisses on your shoulder. "Baby, you tired?" He asks. "Mhm." You nod. At the moment, your fingers are hurting, and you just want to sleep it off.
You guys wake up. Pick an outfit for the get-together!
Even though it's a dinner, you all usually spend the day there. You grab your purse and have painkillers and nausea pills on hand. "Embry! Come on!" You call out.
No answer.
You cock your head to the side and drop your purse on the couch. You walk back into the bedroom and see Embry dressed, but he is leaning over the bed with his face covered.
"Honey, no." You coo and sit next to him on the bed. You pull an arm away from his face to see he's teary-eyed. You pull him into your chest. He loves it when you do this. He calls them his pillows. "I just feel so.. useless? I feel so out of control of your situation. I want you to feel better. I don't want to make you feel bad. I just hope you know I'll always be here. I love you." He plants a loving kiss to the middle of your neck before moving up. You smile at him and caress his cheek. "I feel better today. Having you next to me makes the pain feel more tolerable. I feel like I can keep going. You do control the situation more than you think. I love you." You kiss his lips softly. He holds onto your wrist, rubbing his thumb over your hand. He kisses back so softly and slowly. You pull away and stand up. "Let's go eat and hang out with friends!" You pipe up.
You guys make it there and step inside. Emily and Sam are sharing a few kisses. Quil, Leah, and Seth are on the floor playing twister. "Damn it!" Leah hisses as Quil's arm makes her fall, causing everyone to fall. "Dude, that was nearly impossible! I'm a wolf, not a contortionist!" Quil yells out. Seth rubs the back of his neck because two strong bodies landed on him. "What does that even mean?" He side eyes Quil with a look of hurt.
Quil jumps up and hugs you and then Embry. "It's so good to see you y/n! I would say Embry, but he's up my ass." He laughs. Embry rolls his eyes. "Wolf duties, Quil. Don't make things awkward." You burst into laughter. Leah steps up to you with a huge smile. "I'm so glad you are okay! You feel okay today? No pain?" She wraps her arms around your neck, pulling you in. You giggle and pat her waist. "No pain today." You reply. She pulls back to hug Embry. You turn to Seth, who looks worried and has his hands in his pockets. "Seth Clearwater, what is wrong?" You ask amusingly and then give him a hug. "I'm scared for you and Embry." He sniffles and wraps his arms around you. "Hey, kid. We're okay. You guys will always kick vamp ass and I'll kick the disease ass too." You giggle.
"Surprise!!!!" Kim pops up and engulfs you in a hug. You hug her back and laugh. "Kim!" You call out. She pulls back and checks out your fit. "Goddamn! Beautiful!" She gushes. "Hey, you're the pretty one." You argue, internally feeling self-conscious and envy. She looks at you, her face contorted with 'come on, now'. "Seriously, Kim! I'd love to be skinny." She backs away and points at her body. "Y/n, JARED HAS NOTHING TO SQUEEZE!" She laughs. "I am beautiful, but you are too." She sits back down next to you. "Plus, everyone talks about how Embry calls your boobs his pillows." You both laugh.
The group of your friends in the kitchen pull up in the living room with you two. Embry stands behind the couch behind you and rubs your shoulders. You look up at his pretty face and pucker your lips. He leans down and pecks you. Quil puts Embry in a chokehold and pulls him away from you. You roll your eyes, and all the imprints sigh. "Here we go.." Emily giggles.
After your whole get-together, you and Embry get back home. You lay on the bed with your shoes still on. Your back is hurting so bad. You are trying not to cry. You roll onto your side. Embry comes up and takes off your shoes, kissing your ankles. "Baby, you need anything?" You shrug, unable to speak at the moment.
"I'm gonna get you comfortable." He unbuttons your pants and pulls them off effortlessly, as he knows all your curves perfectly and has done this many times. He kisses your lower back. "I'll get you some heat." He leaves. You roll onto your back and sigh. He comes back in with the heating pad. He plugs it into the wall and turns it on. "Lift up, baby." He says. You lift as high as you can, and he places it down. You flop down, and the heat instantly feels good. Embry kisses your forehead. "I love you." He smiles. You smile back at him and pat the bed next to you. "I got you." He walks over to his side and lays next to you. "Together." He says, grabbing a hold of your hand.
#twilight#embry call#jared cameron#jacob black#paul lahote#sam uley#seth clearwater#twilight wolfpack#quil ateara#leah clearwater#embry call x reader
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it is frustrating that even as stripped down as humanly possible without literally just laying down in a puddle and getting back up again, taking a bath still overdoes me for the whole day. really frustrating.
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It's amazing how a small change in my daily schedule changed my functionality;
Usually, I walk my dog in the mornings. My partner walks him at night. My pain and stiffness are worst in the morning, but I can "walk it out." However, I don't seem to recover from the walk and can't get anything else done for the rest of the day. This was not sustainable.
So today, my partner took the morning walk, and I was able to use the time I would typically spend walking out my stiffness to stretch instead. And then I was able to do a couple chores. I took a nap. Then I was able to go on a car ride. Then I needed another nap, but I woke up from that and was able to take my dog on his evening walk.
This is the most productive I have been in a number of weeks, and it's all thanks to a simple edit of my morning, and maybe the 40mg of prednisone I'm on, idk.
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